“Honey, do I look fat?”
Listen, guys, at some point all women ask this question. The correct answer, of course, is “Certainly not, dear.” But here, compliments of Frank, are a few examples of things you should not, under any circumstances, reply:
“No, not to Stevie Wonder.”
- “Does this tie make me look stupid?”
- “No habla Ingles.”
- “Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things kinda balance out.”
- “If I answer that question, then the terrorists have won.”
- “Okay, listen: What’s important is that you not focus in a negative way on the comparison I am about to make.”
- “Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity.”
- “Let me jog around to your front and take a look.”
- “No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains.”