I’ve never been much of a hot dog afficionado, but in my youth I suppose I consumed my share. And, as a kid growing up in south Florida, I learned to garnish them with ketchup and mustard. No kraut, no pickle relish, no onions, not even chili. Just ketchup and mustard. And I liked ‘em that way! But when I joined the Air Force, I discovered that people from different parts of the country preferred all manner of garnishment on their dawgs. But I stayed true to my roots, although I learned to incorporate pickle relish and enjoy an occasional chili dog.
My wife, on the other hand, is from Chicago, and if you know anything about Chicagoans, you know they take their hot dogs seriously. In fact, the Chicago metropolitan area boasts more hot dog restaurants than McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Burger Kings combined!
The “Chicago Style” hot dog got its start from street cart hot dog vendors during the hard times of the Great Depression. Money was scarce, but business was booming for these entrepreneurs who offered a delicious hot meal on a bun for only a 
nickel. They’d start with a Vienna Beef hot dog, nestle it in a steamed poppyseed bun and cover it with a wonderful combination of toppings: yellow mustard, bright green relish, fresh chopped onions, juicy red tomato wedges, a kosher-style pickle spear, a couple of spicy sport peppers and finally, a dash of celery salt. This unique hot dog creation with a “salad on top” and its memorable interplay of hot and cold, crisp and soft, sharp and smooth, became America’s original fast food and a true Chicago institution.
Regular readers may be asking themselves why I’m writing about hot dogs when Dawn and I are freshly minted, card-carrying vegetarians. Well, while grocery shopping over the weekend, we picked up a package of veggie-dogs and a pack of whole wheat buns. I don’t know, a quasi-dog sounded worth a try. And, without thinking, I asked if we needed ketchup and mustard.
“Ketchup?” my wife asked as if I’d said something shocking. “You don’t put ketchup on a hot dog!”
“Well, I do,” I said defensively.
“No you don’t,” she said, moving on.” No one puts ketchup on a hot dog.”
That got me wondering if I’d been committing a blatant technical foul all these years, so I did some research and came across the following not-so-serious hot dog etiquette courtesy of the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council:
Don’t…
Put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always “dress the dog,” not the bun.
Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.
Do…
Serve sesame seed, poppy seed and plain buns with hot dogs. Sun-dried tomato buns or basil buns are considered gauche with franks.
Don’t…
Use a cloth napkin to wipe your mouth when eating a hot dog. Paper is always preferable.
Do…
Eat hot dogs on buns with your hands. Utensils should not touch hot dogs on buns.
Do…
Use paper plates to serve hot dogs. Every day dishes are acceptable; china is a no-no.
Don’t…
Take more than five bites to finish a hot dog. For foot-long wiener, seven bites are acceptable.
Don’t…
Leave bits of bun on your plate. Eat it all.
Don’t…
Fresh herbs on the same plate with hot dogs over-do the presentation.
Don’t…
Use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18. Mustard, relish, onions, cheese and chili are acceptable.
Do…
Condiments remaining on the fingers after eating a hot dog should be licked away, not washed.
Do…
Use multi-colored toothpicks to serve cocktail wieners. Cocktail forks are in poor taste.
Don’t…
Send a thank you note following a hot dog barbecue. It would not be in keeping with the unpretentious nature of hot dogs.
Don’t…
Bring wine to a hot dog barbecue. Beer, soda, lemonade and iced tea are preferable.
Don’t…
Ever think there is a wrong time to serve hot dogs.
I suppose I should have remembered that Dawn’s uncle Bud used to own a couple hot dog stands in downtown Chicago, so I guess she knows a thing or two about the subject. What did I learn from all this? Never argue with a gal from Chicago about things Chicago. And never put ketchup on a hot dog!