André Rieu is a Dutch violinist and conductor famous for creating an international revival in waltz music and for his many  top selling recordings with his “Johann Strauss Orchestra.” You will instantly recognize this beautiful piece, performed live in Tuscany and available on DVD here.

Tune-in for sweet surprises as legend-dairy ice cream co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield of Ben & Jerry’s visit Stephen Colbert and “The Colbert Report” to celebrate and discuss his new ice cream, AmeriCone Dream, tonight at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT.

According to its website, Ben & Jerry’s new flavor is “a decadent melting pot of vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered waffle cone pieces and a caramel swirl. It’s the sweet taste of liberty in your mouth.” Colbert believes AmeriCone Dream can make a difference. “I’m not afraid to say it. Dessert has a well-known liberal agenda. What I hope to do with this ice cream is bring some balance back to the freezer case.”

Stephen Colbert is donating his proceeds from the sale of AmeriCone Dream to charity through The Stephen Colbert AmeriCone Dream Fund. The Fund will support charities of concern to Stephen such as food and medical assistance for disadvantaged children, helping veterans and their families, and environmental causes. “I will save the world,” said Colbert.

Coming soon to a fair & balanced freezer section near you.

Have you watched this? It’s okay, you can tell me. Confession is good for the soul. “Armed & Famous” debuted last Wednesday night with a viewership of 8.2 million, generating a 2.9 rating. Its second episode was seen by 7.8 million viewers and generated a rating of 2.7. A downward trend? Let’s hope so. If not, I fear our society is doomed.

The show, which clearly exists mainly to be ridiculed, features five B-list celebrities (Erik Estrada of “CHiPs,” singer La Toya Jackson, wrestler Trish Stratus, Jason “Wee Man” Acuna of “Jackass” and Ozzy Osbourne’s son, Jack) pretending to learn how to pretend to be policemen on the Muncie, Indiana force. In the words of the ABC website, “They will [be] arresting bad guys including drug dealers, hookers and johns, wife-beaters, burglars, the drunk-and-disorderly and more.”

All in a night’s work in Hollywood, California, one might think. But, no, it turns out our celebs are serving as reserve cops in Muncie, Indiana. And a good thing, too; having has-been celebrities arrest current ones like Hugh Grant and Mel Gibson would have been unseemly and unfair.

The website continues, “Funny? Often. Emotional? Yes, and in surprising ways. Serious? Always. To these five celebrities, serving the people of Muncie is an honor that equals or surpasses anything they’ve experienced previously.” Come on! The show has “they can’t be serious” written all over it!

It’s hard to believe that anyone would deliberately create programming like this. And even more incredible that anyone would watch it. But, of course, many will. Why? I think because it’s grotesquely fascinating even when it isn’t even remotely funny, emotional or serious. Programs like this are like third-generation parodies; in a reversal of show-business tradition, they’re bad on purpose. Not only does no one expect them to be good, no one wants them to be.

The producers hope instead that viewers will get a certain satisfaction from hooting and howling at the awfulness of it all. But “Armed & Famous” (even the name is bad) rushes by “awful” and heads straight for “abominable” — it’s not even that much fun to laugh at.

Admittedly, most TV shows are little more than time-killers. But there’s killing time and there’s beating it to death with a stick. Or a billy club. Or shooting it in the head — because, yes, the “celebrity” cops in “Armed & Famous” are truly armed if not actually famous.

“Muncie is quite different from L.A.,” observes “recording artist and author” (huh?) La Toya Jackson, who insists on a tablecloth and a finger bowl (honest!) when her partner takes her out for peanuts at the Texas Roadhouse. “Midnight!” says the narrator. “On the streets of Muncie, crime doesn’t sleep, and neither do our celebrity cops!” Oozes suspense, doesn’t it?

When “international television icon” (really?) Eric Estrada finds himself inside Muncie’s version of a crack house, he’s surprised to discover the dealer is a toothless granny in her 80s. “This is the wrong way to meet you, Ponch,” she says, laughing all the way to the police station in the back seat of the cop car. Oh, puleez!

These details may inadvertently make the show sound mildly amusing. It isn’t. As Tom Shales points out in the Washington Post, “in addition to epitomizing the trend toward cheaper and cheaper prime-time programming, “Armed & Famous” represents another unhappy trend: The insane business of trying to pass off game-playing as entertainment on a massive, inescapable scale. Games are a vicarious experience in the first place. Watching people play games — whether the game is poker or make-believe cop — is vicarious vicariousness. It’s a form of “reality” that only makes television less real — and, inevitably, less worth having around.”

The midseason now belongs to Fox and “American Idol.” That gives rise to a “what-have-we-got-to-lose” mentality that in turn makes shows like “Armed and Famous” possible. What can we do? Read a book. And pray that the already cast second season is mercifully put to sleep even before they pull the plug on the current one.

Those of you that watched “America’s Got Talent” last season are already familiar with 11-year-old singing sensation Bianca Ryan who went on to win the $1 million show finale. Her audition performance of Jennifer Holiday’s “And I’m Telling You (I’m Not Going)” from the 1982 Broadway production of “Dreamgirls” brought everyone to their feet as you’ll see in this video:

Incidentally, if you haven’t seen the now-showing movie version of “Dreamgirls,” Jennifer Hudson’s performance of this song is alone worth the price of admission.

Here’s an unusual site promoting (I think) Demetri’s Comedy Central special airing January 14 and 29. It’s apparently also intended to plug Windows Vista which must have had a hand in creating the site. It’s curiously, well, curious. Takes some exploring…  See what you think.