Calvin On Writing
An old friend of mine sent me this Calvin comic and reminded me, well, of me back in our high school “Honors English” days too many years ago to even think about. Yes, that was me, all right - long, complex sentences, exaggerated vocabulary, confusing twists and odd angles - yet my writing style, if you can call it that, impressed my teachers, winning me frequent accolades and a dependable stream of “A”s in written communication.
But my aspiring novelist bubble was about to burst. Fast forward to my first college English class. Focusing on literature and writing, it carried steep prerequisites. I foolishly thought it would be four easy credits given my stellar academic credentials, especially with two years of high school debate team experience tossed in for good measure. So I wasn’t worried when our first assignment, intended to ensure that enrollees possessed the necessary skills to succeed in the class, was to write a short essay on a favorite novel.
I decided on a comparison of Melvile’s Moby Dick and Conrad’s Billy Budd, contrasting the authors’ writing styles. I’d read and discussed both in high school and believed I was sufficiently well versed to dazzle my professor. So confident was I in my writing skills that I hastily cranked out five double spaced pages late Tuesday night for my Wednesday morning class.
The essays were returned Friday morning as the professor began her verbal assessment. All were interesting, she told us, some even quite good. I was certain mine had impressed. Continuing, she explained her cryptic notations at the top of each paper. A “check” mark indicated you were in the right class and she looked forward to helping improve your writing skills. An “X”, however, meant the class would likely prove too challenging and you should immediately transfer to a lower English. The latter group, about a quarter of the class, quietly gathered their materials and left the classroom as the professor returned to her desk. I sat in stunned silence. There was no mark on my paper.
Had she forgotten to mark it? Had she even read it? Finally, I mustered the courage to raise my hand and asked what the lack of any notation meant. “Ah, Mr. Arrington,” she replied with a blank expression I later learned to recognize as a smile. “That’s to let you know it’s harder to bullshit a college English professor than a high school teacher!”
There it was. I’d been put on notice, outed, called out. My days of skating through writing assignments had come to an abrupt conclusion. For the remainder of the semester she challenged, blue penciled and embarrassed me into producing some of my best written work. I was glad when the semester ended, but I’ll remain forever grateful to her for showing me a better way to weave the written word.
I should mention something else my high school friend, Alex, noted in his email after reading my blog: “I see you haven’t changed.”
I know, Alex. Thanks for remembering.
Doug
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Outstanding! Deserving of an award! Here's another "A"!
(kidding).
Seriously, a 5-star article. Really enjoyed!
A very nice article, Doug. It is a pleasure to learn another piece of your history. Your professor's efforts obviously helped as your writing is always enjoyable. Have any of your articles been published?
Wonderful post!
My schedule allows little time for web surfing, but I drop by your blog a couple times a week and always enjoy. The comments are often as entertaining as your posts. I rarely leave them on blogs but occasionally feel compelled to offer my 2 cents on yours.
Thanks!
I found this particularly interesting because I also studied and enjoy writing though I never find time to pursue it for pleasure. There is a screenplay in me waiting to be born but it is difficult switching from every day technical writer to weekend screen writer. My first effort was politely rejected. I will try again this summer when I have a little more free time.
Let you know when I become rich and famous!
Long winded as you may be, you can't touch this:
The 1983 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records has an entry for what it claims is the "Longest Sentence in Literature". It cites a sentence from Absalom, Absalom! containing 1,300 words!
Jonathan Coe easily beats Faulkner with a 13,955-word sentence in "The Rotters' Club". It held the record but may have been beaten since 2001.
Anyone can write long sentences. Just write a long paragraph or three, then remove all the closing punctuation and capitol letters. Nothing to it!
Why? What is the point? Just to seem more intellectual? Or is it to make it difficult for the reader to understand for some reason? Or is it to get mentioned in the Guinness Book of World Records?
"To inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity" ?
Of course, that didn't apply to Faulkner.
PN
In verbal communication, it is a filibustering technique. A never-ending sentence is created by speakers when they substitute connecting words or phrases like "and", "or", "but", "I mean", etc. for periods.
For example, "I usually walk the dog first thing in the morning (but) when it is raining, I do it after it stops (I mean) my hair would be a disaster if it got wet (and) my boss would probably have a fit (but) sometimes, when I take an umbrella, I can get the dog walk out of the way while I grab a quick bagel and latte at the coffee shop (I mean) it's not the best breakfast, I know (but) I read an article in a health magazine that said it is better to have a bagel and coffee than to skip breakfast completely (because) skipping breakfast causes a drop in your insulin level and your productivity at work drops until you can get a snack or something (and) why risk your health if you don't have to (because) life is too short to not take care of yourself just for a boss who probably doesn't appreciate you anyway (and) you could probably find a better job closer to the coffee shop or maybe a Denny's where you could get a healthier breakfast (although) you couldn't take you dog in there so that's no good (but) if you worked at home..."
See what I mean?
A good example of coupled run-on sentences.
Tina: A few were published in a regional trade magazine quite a few years ago, and a few in foreign travel and scuba mags that included photos, but nothing in recent years (or that paid much money!) Still, it gives me bragging rights to say I'm "published".
Doug
Cute post! English was never my best subject, but this took me back to school days and some of my teachers. A few I hated then but later I realized I learned the most from them.
Dude, you went to a different kind of high school than I did! Contrasting the writing styles of Melville and Conrad? We never even read either of them! Was it some kind of special school?
Leo: No Dude, but it was a good school with a lot of history and proud tradition. Most kids went on to college. Academically, it ranked high, I suppose.
But it was a far cry from a lot of schools today from what I've seen. I carried 7 subjects and a lab, even a couple sports. Of course, I didn't get home until well after dark, but I think that was a typical load for college prep in those days.
I tried to visit the old high school last time I visited my home town. The neighborhood had deteriorated and my school along with it. It saddened me. But I was glad to see that my old elementary school hadn't changed at all. Some things remain the same.
What a cute article! It sounds just like the mental image I have formed of you! I hope you will share more stories of your past, perhaps with childhood photos. :)