Shakespeare's Pulp Fiction
Pulpbard is an open project on wikispaces I know at least a couple of you won’t be able to resist. Of course, if you haven’t seen the film classic Pulp Fiction, none of what follows will make any sense to you…
“Welcome to the Pulp Shakespeare Project, devoted to the reconstruction of William Shakespeare’s play A Slurry Tale, which curiously resembles Quentin Tarantino’s film Pulp Fiction. There is no way to stop this from happening, so this wiki exists to ensure that it is done well, or as well as it can be.”
Forsooth, two memorable scenes originating, as near as I can tell, on Kevin Pease’s LiveJournal, written as the Bard himself might have written them (were he the screenwriter which, of course, he wasn’t, but I’m just sayin’…):
ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter JULES and VINCENT, murderers.
Vincent: And know’st thou what the French name cottage pie?
Julius: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
Vincent: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
Julius: What say they then, pray?
Vincent: Hachis Parmentier.
Julius: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
Vincent: Cream is but cream, only they say la crème.
Julius: What do they name black pudding?
Vincent: I know not;
I visited no inn where’t could be bought.
ACT 1 SCENE 8.2. Your pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Doug
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Reader Comments (16)
I hated Shakespeare because I usually had no idea what was happening. But this is fun. I know what is happening! I could get into this. I may try posting an act or two! Of course, I will have to read some of the stuff to learn the language.
I didst chuckle at the likeness to yon film! Wilst I read other chapters? Yea, I wilst bury myself until my brain hath gorged on thy wit!
I don't get it. I guess I will have to rent the movie this weekend.
Man, I want that poster! I have a great wall for it! $12, perfect.
So anybody can post their own versions of scenes from the movie as long as they are written like the others?
yes maam! Go for it!
OK I'm hooked!! I like scene 8.2 best so far and the scene after it but I'm still reading. What an effing cool idea!!
Shakespeare always exhausted me but knowing the story so well (seen Pulp Fiction several times) it was actually fun! Wish I was more of a Shakespearian so I could write that way but I will enjoy following along while others do the writing.
Shakespeare was never so much fun!!!
Very clever what some people do.
The fellow who writes this is brilliant!! How does someone learn to do that?
By reading a LOT of Shakespeare :)
Michael, responding to "Pork fat rules!"
Two friends are seated in an INN. One boldly takes bread and meat, the other sips ale and nibbles a small cake. The serving WENCH refills the ale.
M: Partake a morsel of sausage, my friend?
D: Nay, sooth. My taste is not one for mere swine.
M: Shylock, ye be! Jewish i’faith ‘tis true!
D: Nay, nay! I am no Jew. I merely find
The swine unpalatable.
M: Why dost thou?
D: Swine! Odoriferous, filthy vermin!
On cleaner things my tongue shall rest; For if
I choose to dine on filth, mud is to be
Had in e’ry carriage rut — and for free.
M: Pork, odoriferous, yes, but ‘tis a
Sweet scent, akin to the rich, bold flavour.
For sausage and offal and blood pie are
A delight to the eyes, palate, and gut.
D: The beasts are low, filthy, and my own tongue
Will not eat that which does not know its shite
From its own snout. ‘Tis foul and beneath me.
M: And the gentle, loyal cur? The sweet hound?
These beasts eat, too, of the fruits of their ass.
D: Verily, so I dine not on cur, friend, but we shall shareth
The joy of a fine cigar, for lo,
The cigar I call goodly, that would require
The charm and flair of the finest ladies,
E’er to grace the King’s garden in May.
THEY laugh.
Doug
Innkeep enters the scene, burdened with a tray of meats and roots for the sage travelers:
D: Noble friend, shall you dine only one the meat of animal, or may I interest you in fruits of the soil perhance?
M: What say you? Tis not beyond my grasp to dine on such. Of what nature of these roots?
D: A veritable bounty of earth born delights await us. Before us lie a colletion of potatoes, corn, peas, tubers, turnips and even twice a pair of beets for each!
M. Beets? Beets you say?
D: Verily, old friend. Care you for one or two?
M. Ah, two beets or not two beets, that is the question!
Just can't help yourself, can you?
You two are too funny :)