I’m sure there’s a “phobia” name for the fear of DMV eye tests but I haven’t yet identified it. Irrational you say? Of course, but aren’t all phobias? And it’s not a gripping, debilitating fear. In fact, it’s more a nagging worry than an actual fear, a kind of “mini” phobia.” But ever since I hit my mid-fifties, I’ve had to take an eye test at DMV in order to renew my driver license for another five years, and each time I receive the curt reminder from DMV, I spend a month or more dreading the appointment.

Not that there’s anything wrong with my eyesight, mind you. It was 20/10 when I was in the Air Force and has always been above average. That is, until the aforementioned mid-fifties when I noticed I had to hold the newspaper a little farther away each year in order to read it and could no longer read road signs from as great a distance. So I guess you could say I’ve been avoiding the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I could use prescription glasses. And before you ask, yes, I have a pair of those drug store “cheaters” for reading but seldom use them!

I said that mine is a “mini” phobia that only occurs for about thirty days every five years. My friend Dave, on the other hand, suffers far longer. While enjoying cigars in Michael’s back yard a while back, he shared with me his own DMV-eye-test-phobia (for lack of a better term) and went into vivid detail about how terribly worried he was about his looming DMV eye test which, at the time, was more than a year away. If I were to venture an unqualified guess, I’d say his is closer to a “full size” phobia.

Anyway, I received the DMV “notice” about a month ago, reluctantly made an appointment for 9:20 yesterday morning and worried all month that, since my eyes aren’t what they once were, I wouldn’t be able to pass the eye test. I arrived at the Folsom branch of DMV about ten minutes early and was surprised to find only a few people waiting. I picked up my number at the designated window, was called after about five minutes and proceeded to Window 14 where a friendly (yes, even cheerful!) lady took my $27 and had me read a few lines on the eye chart behind her. And what do you know, it was a piece of cake just like the last two times I took it! All that worry for nothing!

She punched a hole in my old license (so I could keep it, I suppose, to remember how I looked before the gray set in) and directed me to another window to be thumbprinted and have a new photo taken. I suppose my mug needed updating; the last two times I renewed, they’d asked if I wanted to use the old photo and, since it was a pretty decent one, I’d agreed. But after fifteen years I must look a little older — this time the option wasn’t even offered.

Oh, well. My darling wife says my graying hair makes me look more debonair (I’m reserving judgement until I see my new license.) But at least I can put away my dreaded DMV eye test phobia for another five years. Maybe by then I’ll have come up with a more clinical sounding name for it.

This is clever. Type in commands and the dog does them. (He’s a little dog; complex commands like “Go to the fridge and get me a beer” won’t work.)

Thanks Barb!

I’ve been remiss in following up on the Cadbury Gorilla story that’s been one of the most popular posts on this site in some time. The ad was viewed almost 500,000 times on YouTube during the first week of its release! Everyone’s enjoyed it, but the burning question has been, “Who’s the guy in the gorilla suit?”

While many speculated it was Phil Collins himself, it apparently was Garon Michael, a relatively little-known actor who seems to specialize in playing primates, having appeared in Congo, Instinct, and the remake of Planet of the Apes. No stranger to film, he’s appeared with such heavyweights as Anthony Hopkins, Donald Sutherland and Mark Wahlberg.

Says Cadbury spokesman Tony Bilsborough, “We have been amazed by the way the advert has captured the public’s imagination.”

And so it has. It’ll be a tough act to follow!

Ever wonder what your cats do while you’re away? You probably think they sleep all day and, for the most part, you’re right. Cats spend the majority of their “alone time” sleeping and awaiting your return. But what happens when they get bored?

Thanks Sara!

This is just sad:

In all the stories that came out of 9/11 — stories of love, loss and heroism — Tania Head’s tale had it all.

As president of the World Trade Center Survivors’ Network and as a tour guide at ground zero, she told countless people for the past six years about being burned on the 78th floor of the south tower. Head says she was rescued by a citizen hero, and felt compelled to escape by her promise to return a wedding band to a victim’s wife and by her love for a man she later learned had died in the north tower.

Tania Head’s story, however, was too good to be true, as The New York Times reported Thursday.

Though she’d spoken to journalists for years and recounted her story hundreds of times among other survivors, the newspaper found that nearly every detail of Head’s tale was false. … Story

I know there are people so desperate for attention and acceptance that they exploit victims of tragedies like 9/11 to gain them. They need help, certainly, but there must also be severe consequences…