If I had one wish this New Year, it would be for all the children of the world to join together in peace and love and sing in harmony.

If I had two wishes this New Year, they would be for all the children of the world to sing together and $1,000,000 tax free.

If I had three wishes this New Year, they would be for kids singing together, $1,000,000 tax free per year for life, and to have all encompassing power over the universe.

If I had four wishes this New Year, they’d be the crap about the kids, the $1,000,000, all encompassing power, and an extended orgasm to last thirty days brought about by two super-models. And, of course, my wife.

Let’s face it, the logistics of getting all those kids together is daunting, so let’s rearrange: All encompassing power, the orgasm, the money… Oh! I forgot to strike down my enemies. Okay, so add that in.

So, my four wishes this New Year would be the power, the striking down my enemies (may they die like pigs in hell,) the orgasm, and the money.

And for my fifth wish this New Year, I would like for all the children of the world to join together in peace and love and sing in harmony.

Amen.