Resurrected from the AFP archives …

A farmer gets in his pickup, drives to a neighboring farm and knocks on the farmhouse door. A young boy about twelve answers.

“Is your pa home?” the farmer asks.

“No, sir, he ain’t,” the boy replies. “He went into town.”

“Well,” asks the farmer, “is your ma home?”

“No sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with Pa.”

“Well then, how about your brother, Harold? Is he home?”

“No sir, he went with Ma and Pa.”

The farmer stands there, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other and mumbling under his breath.

“Is there anything I can get for ya?” the boy asks politely. “I know where all Pa’s tools are if you want to borrow one, or maybe I could give Pa a message for ya?”

“Well,” replies the farmer with noticeable discomfort, “I really wanted to talk to your pa. It’s about your brother, Harold, getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.”

The boy considers for a moment, then says, “You’ll have to talk to Pa about that. I know he charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he gets for Harold…”

I’m sure you all followed the story of British school teacher Gillian Gibbons who was recently imprisoned in Sudan for “inciting religious hatred” by allowing her 1st grade (equivalent) students at a private Sudanese school to name a class teddy bear “Muhammad.” Sudanese Muslims filled the streets demanding she be killed and beheaded.

So afraid were authorities that harm would befall her before her trial that she had to be whisked to a secret location for her own protection. After eight days in custody, she was convicted and sentenced to fifteen days in prison, a much lighter sentence than she could have received, and one that further inflamed Muslims, some of whom said they would kill her themselves if they saw her on the streets.

Two British Muslim members of Parliament hurried to Sudan to beg — yes, beg — for her pardon and release which were ultimately granted. She appeared on Good Morning America this morning and said she hopes no one will be angry with the people of Sudan, the ones who wanted her beheaded, over the incident for which she deeply apologizes.

In order to understand the issues involved, you first need to realize that Muhammad is a very common name in Muslim countries, including Sudan, and boys are often so named by their families. In fact, Gibbons’ young students voted to name the teddy bear after a boy in their class!

So why all the fuss? My take is that Muslims are so brainwashed that they can be easily incited by clerics who tell them that a crime against Islam has been perpetrated and that they must seek vengeance, usually by killing someone. And Britain, in fact most of Europe, has allowed such fanaticism to fester for so long under the guise of religious tolerance that it will be all but impossible to ever correct. Indeed, the Europe we once knew is no more.

Watch the video (excuse the advertisement) that accompanies this news link. Note the “religion of peace” marching in the streets and demanding death to the infidel teacher. This is what liberals want us to be “tolerant” of. This is what will happen in the U.S. if we continue along the present primrose path of misdirected “tolerance.”

I’d been hearing this song on the radio every now and then while driving and found it really catchy. Trouble is, except for the title and a random word every now and then, I’ve had no idea what LeAnn is singing. I even heard one of the radio DJs say the same thing, so I know it wasn’t just me. So I finally got annoyed enough to look up the lyrics. Now I can understand (most of) it… and I like it even more! Give it a listen. It’s actually a little easier to understand in this live performance on David Letterman’s show…

I’m sorry, but I have to say something about this insanity. It falls squarely in the “dumb, idiotic, fool-hardy” category. Here are the first four paragraphs, enough to demonstrate the raging stupidity of this so-called “movement,” but you should read the entire article.

In a campaign that has spread like wildfire across the Internet, a group of Israeli environmentalists is encouraging Jews around the world to light at least one less candle this Hanukka to help the environment.

The founders of the Green Hanukkia campaign found that every candle that burns completely produces 15 grams of carbon dioxide. If an estimated one million Israeli households light for eight days, they said, it would do significant damage to the atmosphere.

“The campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won’t need another miracle,” said Liad Ortar, the campaign’s cofounder, who runs the Arkada environmental consulting firm and the Ynet Web site’s environmental forum. “Global warming is a milestone in human evolution that requires us to rethink how we live our lives, and one of the main paradigms of that is religion and how it fits into the current situation.”

Cofounder Tom Wegner, who heads the public relations firm Update Marketing Media, spread the campaign via mass e-mails and through social interaction Web sites like Facebook and Hook.co.il. He said no money had been invested in the campaign, but it had already raised awareness around the world and made people realize that they have to consider the environment this Hanukka. …

Environmentalists have been weirding out at an alarming rate these last few years, but this proves they’ve now gone completely around the reality bend. Gather them all up in a gunny sack and drag them off to the nearest looney bin! Aargh!

I should probably mention that the race car driving in Las Vegas a few weeks ago was Sisko’s birthday gift from Michael last year. This year, on the heals of the dinner celebration at Marrakesh, he procured a limousine and whisked us all — he and Sisko, friends Larry and Pat, and Dawn and me — off to Arco Arena to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. To make the evening even more special, we had the use of a suite, and Dawn and I provided food and wine services. So we nibbled, sipped wine and enjoyed the performance in grand style and supreme comfort!

Of course, we enjoyed champagne in the limo to and from the stadium, even snapped photos of one another (ours didn’t come out too well) during the drive. This is definitely the way to go to a concert! Our driver dropped us at the door and returned after the concert to pick us up. Doesn’t get any more convenient than that.

If you’re not familiar with Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO), it was formed in 1996 by composers Paul O’Neill and Robert Kinkel, and Savatage lead singer Jon Oliva, not as another progressive metal band but more as a rock opera orchestra. It transcends the term “concert” by combining great musicians and writers into a seasonal musical journey. It tells a story and keeps the audience mesmerized and amazed as it builds to its dramatic conclusion. A laser show, smoke and pyrotechnics serve to emphasize parts of the story rather than simply provide visual and sound effects. It’s a highly orchestrated and coordinated movement that can only be described as an amazing experience. And perhaps that’s what separates TSO from traditional rock and metal bands. You don’t go to a TSO concert; you experience TSO!

The production company was very specific about cameras. They’re not allowed, and they check before allowing you entry so we left ours in the limo. It’s not surprising; they don’t want you using images of their performances for commercial purposes and this is the only way to assure that control. They do allow cell phones, though. I guess they recognize that little 2-megapixel cell phone cameras won’t produce commercial quality images. So I grabbed this one with Dawn’s iPhone. It’s not great, of course, but tit gives you an idea of the scale and spectacle of the performance.

This is our second concert - Michael and Sisko go every year - and we hope to make it an annual outing as well. It’s a one night annual gig in Sacramento and sort of kicks off the holiday season for us. Catch it next year if you get the chance!

Good friends and good times. It’s a good life!

Davey sent this week’s pun…

One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture.

A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it.

Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.

“Look at that,” remarked Phil to Will. “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!”

“…a date which will live in infamy…”. And today we remember. If you’ve not visited the Memorial at Pearl Harbor and stood above the sunken tomb that was the USS Arizona to pay tribute to the men who lost their lives aboard her on that fateful day 66 years ago today, it should certainly be near the top your list of important things to do. It’s a reverent, almost spiritual experience you will long remember.

You may not realize that, every year, the ranks of veterans who lived through that horrific day grows thinner. They are old men now. Their memories are still tinged with the sadness that comes from the realization that soon they will all be gone and, as with other landmarks in American history like Gettysburg and Antietam, it will be up to the rest of us to keep the remembrances alive and never, ever forget what happened on that impossibly beautiful Sunday morning when the world turned upside down and changed all of us forever.

0755, 7 December, 1941.

Air Raid Pearl Harbor. This is no drill.

John Renn sent me a series of photos a couple years ago taken during and immediately following the air raid on Pearl Harbor in December 1941. I’d not seen them before and posted them on my AFP web site. I’m linking to them here as a reminder of the death and devastation that wakened “the sleeping giant” and caused Congress, the following day, to declare war against the Empire of Japan. The war lasted nearly four years and was indeed costly by every measure. But it taught us that, when our cause is just and we possess the will to fight, we will be victorious. We must never forget.

Janet put together this nicely produced tribute video. It’s about five minutes long. Take the time to watch it. And remember.

Dawn and I had dinner a couple weekends ago with friends at Marrakesh, a Moroccan restaurant on Fulton Avenue. We were celebrating Dawn’s and Sisko’s birthdays and so someone decided that sitting on the floor and eating with our fingers would be fun. Did I mention they had belly dancers?

                 Click to enlargeIt’s not that I don’t enjoy Moroccan food - I’ve eaten monkey in the Amazon jungle for Pete’s sake - but my old bones don’t bend as easily as they once did, and sitting on a cushion on the floor was, shall we say, challenging, at least the getting up part and the turning around to watch the belly dancer. Did I mention that? There was a belly dancer!

Anyway, we were among friends, twelve of us altogether, so stuffing couscous and shish kabob into our mouths with our fingers was acceptable and the resulting snickering was in jest. But there was at least one in our group who couldn’t quite get into it. I won’t mention any names, but I think the idea of couscous and lamb fat under her freshly French-manicured nails and the whole “messiness” of it all may have harpooned her appetite.

                 Click to enlargeI should mention that the Casablanca Moroccan beer was good as was the floor show! Belly dancing, can you believe it? And it was a little different than I remembered from last time. I guess the establishment wants their dancers to be a little more classy - belly dancing is, after all, an art form - than they used to be, so tipping is now done in a special head-balanced tip jar rather than dollar bills being strategically tucked in the dancers’ costumes by drunken male diners. How tacky, right? They’re not strippers, after all! Was I disappointed? A little. What can I say, I’m a creature of habit.

I’ll have to do a little research to understand why they sprinkled rose water all over us after our meal. Kind of a surprise when you don’t see it coming. Maybe it’s customary in the desert to help distinguish you from the camels. Anyway, it was a delightful evening with dear friends who, no matter how messy the food may get, will always be there to wipe your chin for you. It doesn’t get any better than that.

This chalk drawing video is actually an advertisement by Sony BMG (Canada) for Alicia Keys’ latest CD album. Drawn by Victor Fraser in the heart of Downtown Toronto, it took about six hours to complete.

Three rednecks - Cooter, Jim Bob, and Bubba - are working on a cell phone tower. As they start their descent down the tower, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Jim Bob says, “Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.”

Bubba says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Jim Bob asks, “Where’d you get that beer, Bubba?”

“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Bubba replies.

“That’s unbelievable! You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”

“Well, not exactly”, Bubba explains. “When she answered the door, I said, ‘You must be Cooter’s widow’.” She said, “You must be mistaken, I’m not a widow.” Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are…”

Yep, rednecks are real good at that sensitive stuff.

On the 25th of Kislev are the days of Chanukkah, which are eight… these were appointed a Festival with Hallel [prayers of praise] and thanksgiving.  - Shabbat 21b, Babylonian Talmud

Hanukkah (Hebrew: חנוכה‎, also spelled Chanukah or Hanukah), also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday beginning on the 25th day of the Jewish month of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may fall anytime from late November to late December. This year, it began at sundown today.

The Story

The story of Chanukkah begins in the reign of Alexander the Great. Alexander conquered Syria, Egypt and Palestine, but allowed the lands under his control to continue observing their own religions and retain a certain degree of autonomy. Under this relatively benevolent rule, many Jews assimilated much of Hellenistic culture, adopting the language, the customs and the dress of the Greeks, in much the same way that Jews in America today blend into the secular American society.

More than a century later, a successor of Alexander, Antiochus IV, was in control of the region. He began to oppress the Jews severely, placing a Hellenistic priest in the Temple, massacring Jews, prohibiting the practice of the Jewish religion, and desecrating the Temple by requiring the sacrifice of pigs (a non-kosher animal) on the altar. Two groups opposed Antiochus and joined forces in a revolt against both the assimilation of the Hellenistic Jews and oppression by the Seleucid Greek government. The revolution succeeded and the Temple was rededicated.

According to tradition as recorded in the Talmud, at the time of the rededication, there was very little oil left that had not been defiled by the Greeks. Oil was needed for the menorah (candelabrum) in the Temple, which was supposed to burn throughout the night every night. There was only enough oil to burn for one day, yet miraculously, it burned for eight days, the time needed to prepare a fresh supply of oil for the menorah. An eight day festival was declared to commemorate this miracle. Note that the holiday commemorates the miracle of the oil, not the military victory: Jews do not glorify war.

Traditions

Chanukkah is not a particularly important religious holiday. The only religious observance related to the holiday is the lighting of candles. The candles are arranged in a candelabrum called a menorah (or sometimes called a chanukkiah) that holds nine candles: one for each night, plus a shammus (servant) at a different height. On the first night, one candle is placed at the far right. The shammus candle is lit and three berakhot (blessings) are recited. After reciting the blessings, the first candle is then lit using the shammus candle, and the shammus candle is placed in its holder. The candles are allowed to burn out on their own after a minimum of 1/2 hour.

Each night, another candle is added from right to left like the Hebrew language. Candles are lit from left to right because you pay honor to the newer thing first. On the eighth night, all nine candles are lit. On nights after the first, only the first two blessings are recited; the third blessing, she-hekhianu, is only recited on the first night of holidays.

Why the shammus candle? The Chanukkah candles are for pleasure only; Jews are not allowed to use them for any productive purpose. They keep an extra one around (the shammus), so that if a candle is needed for something useful, they won’t accidentally use the Chanukkah candles. The shammus candle is at a different height so that it is easily identified as the shammus.

It is traditional to eat fried foods on Chanukkah because of the significance of oil to the holiday. Among Ashkenazic Jews, this usually includes latkes (pronounced “lot-kuhs” or “lot-keys” depending on where your grandmother comes from. Pronounced “potato pancakes” if you are a goy.)

Gift giving is not a traditional part of the holiday but has been added in places where Jews have a lot of contact with Christians as a way of dealing with Jewish children’s jealousy of their Christian friends. It is extremely unusual for Jews to give Chanukkah gifts to anyone other than their own young children. The only traditional gift of the holiday is “gelt,” small amounts of money.

Another tradition of the holiday is playing dreidel, a gambling game played with a square top. Most people play for matchsticks, pennies, M&Ms or chocolate coins. The traditional explanation of this game is that during the time of Antiochus’ oppression, those who wanted to study Torah (an illegal activity) would conceal their activity by playing gambling games with a top (a common and legal activity) whenever an official or inspector was within sight.

Following the lighting of the candles, Jews usually sing the hymn Ma’oz Tzur; various other Hanukkah songs are customary in many Jewish homes.

For a more extensive explanation, visit Wikipedia.

I enjoy the “I’m a Mac” and “PC Guy” ad series from Apple, Inc. I use both platforms (although not with Vista) and generally prefer Macs, but I think the ad series is pure genius. C’mon, admit it. Regardless of your platform preference, the ads and the two characters are endearing.

Here’s another.

My mother-in-law sent this with the caption, “Ask the American Indians what happens when you don’t control your borders.”

The graphic has been in use for a few years, at least since 2005, and is usually found on t-shirts or bumper stickers. I was surprised to learn, though, just how many opinion pieces had been written about it and what writers believe it means.

Some, it turns out, see it as an affront to native Americans or believe that those who display the graphic are America haters. Joseph Farah’s article is an example. I thought he had completely missed the point, but it got me thinking. So I looked again at the graphic, this time without the caption that had accompanied it, and decided that he just might have a point or two.

But when I view the graphic in the context of the accompanying caption, I see it the way I suspect it was originally intended, to illustrate the importance of border security by implying (with tongue in cheek) that, had native Americans protected their borders against the invading European terrorists, the complexion of America might today be quite different.

I think as a society we need to develop a collective thicker skin and stop looking for things to find offensive. What do you think?

The 65-year-old New Frontier, the second-oldest property on the Las Vegas strip, was taken down with the requisite fireworks and cheering November 13 to make room for a bigger, more palatial hotel casino.

The Frontier was the venue where Elvis Presley made his Las Vegas debut in 1956 and also featured such entertainers as Wayne Newton and Siegfried and Roy. Once owned by eccentric billionaire Howard Hughes, it endured one of the longest union strikes in U.S. history.

I always feel a nostalgic twinge when one of the old casinos is moved out to make way for the new. Farewell, old friend. You went out in grand style.

Louise reminded me that I’d promised to post the results for those of you that took the “new and improved” nerd quiz a couple weeks ago. I’d asked that any of you that took the test (and were so inclined) embed a photo of yourself and email me the resulting quiz icon. Some of you did and so, as promised, here ya’ go. I’m not sure what any of us learned from the exercise, but it was kinda fun, yes? It did demonstrate just how diverse our readership is and that at least one of you has a sense of humor about his (or her?) mug shot…

Thanks to (in no particular order) Louise, Robo, Ralph, Karen and Sterling for following the directions (some of you didn’t include the photo.) And Teddy, yours didn’t get published for the same reason your carved pumpkins didn’t make the cut. Pretty funny, but a little over the line for posting on this site. But keep ‘em coming, the editorial staff loves them!