Monday Punday - Holiday Edition
‘Tis the season, so here goes…
Jane was traveling to Vancouver for the Christmas holiday. Knowing how the winter weather can be in British Columbia, and lacking the appropriate clothing for inclement weather, she went to a local outdoor emporium to get outfitted. When she was unable to find what she needed, a salesman finally suggested that she try Rudolph’s.
“Rudolph’s?” Janet asked. “You mean the Russian specialty store?”
To which the salesman replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain gear…”
While Christmas shopping at a local toy store, Barry came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend, Wally, waiting with all the others. Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, Barry figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.
“Wally, I didn’t know you were a collector!”
“I’m not,” Wally replied.
“Then why are you standing in this long line?”
“Well, I’ve never been able to resist a barbie queue..”
A guy goes into his dentist’s office because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, “Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has almost completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?”
“Well, the only thing I can think of is my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it - Hollandaise sauce she called it - and doctor, I’m talkin’ DELICIOUS! I’ve never tasted anything like it! Ever since then I’ve been putting it on everything - meat, fish, toast, vegetables - you name it!”
“That’s probably it,” replies the dentist. “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice which is acidic and highly corrosive. I’ll have to install a new plate but, this time, I’ll make it out of chrome.”
“Why chrome?” the man asks.
“Well, everyone knows there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise…”
Doug
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Reader Comments (8)
OMG, it's a triple play! I may not recover!
Well I guess it is ok since you missed a few Mondays. But my heart is weak. Be gentle!
You realize of course, my brudda...that the last joke is an MD original. First introduced on the air in 1979 and won an award at a RAB convention that same year. It seems that it's gone through a couple of changes since the original, which you'll see in WWW this weekend. Facinating!
Hell, I couldn't find my original version on AFP so I was winging it. I realize this "from memory" version isn't quite right, but I'm getting old! A brudda would send me the "right" version so I can correct the post before the date changes. Wouldn't he?
1979, huh? We had a graphic design house set up a little Christmas tree on a saucer, pour Hollandaise sauce on the little tree and photograph it for our company Christmas card somewhere around 1976-77. Printed on the outside of the card was the image. Inside the card read, "Happy Hollandaise" and the company name.
Oh, you and I would have been dangerous if we'd known each other back then!
Doug
egads man, you have gone off the deep end! three at once? almost unbearable :=)
What have the holidays come to :)
I have actually heard the last one from long time ago. You (Michael) wrote that one?
Oy! Oy! Oy!
The joke was back in my "on-air" days and was written around a skit we did on-air regarding a snobbish guy having a holiday party and wanting custom chrome dishes....
We got such rave reviews and requests for it, that we submitted it to the RAB (Radio Advertising Bureau) and won most original and new comedy routine, as well as Best new joke. Did I create it? Well, I'll take credit for making it popular, as it's propogated itself over the years everywhere hence...and I had never heard it BEFORE that time. So, interpret it that as you want. Most certainly, I had no knowledge of Doug and his hollandaise covered tree. Which honestly, only proves there are minds as warped as mine out there. Ho Ho Ho!