I got this from Gaz Soup. I don’t run across too many jokes I haven’t already heard too many times, so I considered this a rare find worth passing on…

A  father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know!” the child says, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me!”

Confused, the father asks what’s wrong.

“Oh, Dad,” the boy sobs. “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Santa’ speech. At seven, you gave me the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech. If you’re going to tell me that grownups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing left to live for…”

Dawn and I are wrapping up a 4-day weekend, so regular posting should resume tomorrow. We’ve been in Las Vegas with friends to watch Sisko live out a fantasy - driving a Formula One race car! I took photos (don’t know how many of the track shots will come out) before and during the race; her best lap was 143 mph! I’ll post more about the trip and her experience when I get the images processed.

I found this short, fun quiz at The Bastage. Go ahead, answer a few questions and build your dream home…

Build Your Dream Home!

Looks like the well-worn Nigerian email scam has moved to Iraq. Here’s an email received from Sgt. Mark Edwards:

Mark Edwards here, an American soldier serving in the 1st Armored Division in Iraq. you understand our situation here, being attacked by insurgents. On the process, we secretly moved some amount of money that was hidden in one of the Saddam Hussein’s. caves. which at the moment not traceable. Your kind assistance in receiving the Project funds, will be appreciated. for the purpose of investment. 70% of the total will be set aside for a good business Investment while an offer of 30% is made available to you hope you’ll appreciate that. I’m not asking much but rather a hand of assistance in moving the funds out of the London security vaults where it’s been deposited under a temporal immunity coverage.

Iraq, is a war zone and my life here cannot be predicted as anything can happen at any time, so would not like to miss the chance of completing the final process of the funds, which is a confirmation of it at your receiving address. A diplomatic courier will be an ideal plan for the shipping of the package which is a silver box containing the treasures. Note that the process would encounter no hitch as it is a risk free transaction and has a diplomatic, coverage so cannot be checked at any port of Entry/Exit. If this offer is ok by you, then further details will be sent to you. let me say that “TRUST” should be our major objective in this venture as you’ll be in control of it all. untill my mission is completed. Can you, be trusted? Note: I will like you, to contact me through my alternative email address for security reason so here, is the Email address: markedwards_us@yahoo.it

kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest.

Nice to meet you.

Well, sha-zam, Sgt. Edwards, I’m delighted to meet you, too! You boys are doing a fine job over there and I’ll be happy to help you launder the money. Just tell be how much I need to send you to get the ball rolling…

I’m sure there’s a “phobia” name for the fear of DMV eye tests but I haven’t yet identified it. Irrational you say? Of course, but aren’t all phobias? And it’s not a gripping, debilitating fear. In fact, it’s more a nagging worry than an actual fear, a kind of “mini” phobia.” But ever since I hit my mid-fifties, I’ve had to take an eye test at DMV in order to renew my driver license for another five years, and each time I receive the curt reminder from DMV, I spend a month or more dreading the appointment.

Not that there’s anything wrong with my eyesight, mind you. It was 20/10 when I was in the Air Force and has always been above average. That is, until the aforementioned mid-fifties when I noticed I had to hold the newspaper a little farther away each year in order to read it and could no longer read road signs from as great a distance. So I guess you could say I’ve been avoiding the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I could use prescription glasses. And before you ask, yes, I have a pair of those drug store “cheaters” for reading but seldom use them!

I said that mine is a “mini” phobia that only occurs for about thirty days every five years. My friend Dave, on the other hand, suffers far longer. While enjoying cigars in Michael’s back yard a while back, he shared with me his own DMV-eye-test-phobia (for lack of a better term) and went into vivid detail about how terribly worried he was about his looming DMV eye test which, at the time, was more than a year away. If I were to venture an unqualified guess, I’d say his is closer to a “full size” phobia.

Anyway, I received the DMV “notice” about a month ago, reluctantly made an appointment for 9:20 yesterday morning and worried all month that, since my eyes aren’t what they once were, I wouldn’t be able to pass the eye test. I arrived at the Folsom branch of DMV about ten minutes early and was surprised to find only a few people waiting. I picked up my number at the designated window, was called after about five minutes and proceeded to Window 14 where a friendly (yes, even cheerful!) lady took my $27 and had me read a few lines on the eye chart behind her. And what do you know, it was a piece of cake just like the last two times I took it! All that worry for nothing!

She punched a hole in my old license (so I could keep it, I suppose, to remember how I looked before the gray set in) and directed me to another window to be thumbprinted and have a new photo taken. I suppose my mug needed updating; the last two times I renewed, they’d asked if I wanted to use the old photo and, since it was a pretty decent one, I’d agreed. But after fifteen years I must look a little older — this time the option wasn’t even offered.

Oh, well. My darling wife says my graying hair makes me look more debonair (I’m reserving judgement until I see my new license.) But at least I can put away my dreaded DMV eye test phobia for another five years. Maybe by then I’ll have come up with a more clinical sounding name for it.

This is clever. Type in commands and the dog does them. (He’s a little dog; complex commands like “Go to the fridge and get me a beer” won’t work.)

Thanks Barb!

I’ve been remiss in following up on the Cadbury Gorilla story that’s been one of the most popular posts on this site in some time. The ad was viewed almost 500,000 times on YouTube during the first week of its release! Everyone’s enjoyed it, but the burning question has been, “Who’s the guy in the gorilla suit?”

While many speculated it was Phil Collins himself, it apparently was Garon Michael, a relatively little-known actor who seems to specialize in playing primates, having appeared in Congo, Instinct, and the remake of Planet of the Apes. No stranger to film, he’s appeared with such heavyweights as Anthony Hopkins, Donald Sutherland and Mark Wahlberg.

Says Cadbury spokesman Tony Bilsborough, “We have been amazed by the way the advert has captured the public’s imagination.”

And so it has. It’ll be a tough act to follow!

Ever wonder what your cats do while you’re away? You probably think they sleep all day and, for the most part, you’re right. Cats spend the majority of their “alone time” sleeping and awaiting your return. But what happens when they get bored?

Thanks Sara!

This is just sad:

In all the stories that came out of 9/11 — stories of love, loss and heroism — Tania Head’s tale had it all.

As president of the World Trade Center Survivors’ Network and as a tour guide at ground zero, she told countless people for the past six years about being burned on the 78th floor of the south tower. Head says she was rescued by a citizen hero, and felt compelled to escape by her promise to return a wedding band to a victim’s wife and by her love for a man she later learned had died in the north tower.

Tania Head’s story, however, was too good to be true, as The New York Times reported Thursday.

Though she’d spoken to journalists for years and recounted her story hundreds of times among other survivors, the newspaper found that nearly every detail of Head’s tale was false. … Story

I know there are people so desperate for attention and acceptance that they exploit victims of tragedies like 9/11 to gain them. They need help, certainly, but there must also be severe consequences…

Dawn asks, “What happens when you have nothing to do, own a sharp knife, have a large lime, own a patient cat, drink too much tequila and it’s football season?” Well…

Have a great weekend! Some good Week 4 NFL action Sunday. And try to get out and catch some of the fall colors!

I grew up in Miami and remember it as primarily a football town. Baseball was an “also ran” sport. Apparently it still is if this news story is any indication. During a recent game between the Florida Marlins and the Washington Nationals, there were only 400 fans in a stadium that can seat nearly 75,000…

Could it be that the exorbitant salaries payed to major league baseball players have finally driven ticket prices beyond the reach of Miami fans? Larry? Ken?

Article removed by editor.

If you fly out of Sacramento International Airport, you may have noticed one of the more unusual art forms I’ve seen in some time, an aerial view of the Sacramento River woven into a carpet for the floor of the pedestrian bridge connecting the terminal to the parking garage. The image represents approximately fifty miles of the Sacramento River starting just outside of Colusa, California and ending about six miles south of Chico.

Although I’d noticed the carpet on occasion while hurrying across the bridge to catch a flight, I’d never taken (nor had) the time to study it. I recently made it a point and was amazed at the detail and scale of the project.

The artist, Seyed Alavi, received a Bachelor of Science degree from San Jose State University and a Masters of Fine Art from the San Francisco Art Institute. His public art projects are often engaged with the poetics of language and space and their power to shape reality and include site-specific installations for The New Museum of Contemporary Art and Franklin Furnace in New York City; The University Art Museum- Cal State Long Beach; The Museum of Santa Cruz County; The deSaisset Museum; The University Art Museum, Sonoma State; The University Art Museum, Cal State San Bernardino and San Francisco’s Capp Street Project.

Next time you fly into or out of SMF, take a few minutes to check out the large-scale art work right under your feet. You’ll be impressed.

I‘ve been under a lot of stress these past several months, more than the level I normally carry, and it’s taken its toll on me. One of the bi-products of too much added stress is greater difficulty managing it. As a result, my muscles have become more tense (and stay that way to the point of pain and fatigue), I can’t relax or sleep, and I’ve become my “other” self, the serious, brooding one even I don’t enjoy.

Last evening I was reminded of something Dr. Theodore Rubin once wrote:

“I must learn to love the fool in me — the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”

Stress is exhausting and deadly. I need to become reacquainted with my inner fool.

Here’s a list you don’t see every day courtesy of deputydog by way of James. I’ve featured tattooed men (and ladies) before, but this goes waaaay beyond reason. And I should warn you that a couple of the videos aren’t for the squeamish. But that said, take a look at what some may call body art, others might call obsessive/compulsive and more than a few would call insanity. Here are three from the list to give you a preview…

I suppose this is not unlike some people, usually women, that can’t seem to get enough plastic surgery. We’ve all seen them on TV and most will agree they’re obsessive. This seems to me to fall into the same category. What do you think?