This is an old one. I think it came from Michael…

King Arthur’s castle was under attack by a fearsome dragon, so he called for his best knight to slay the creature. But all of the horses were frightened; the best mount they could find was an old, arthritic, one-eyed Great Dane.

King Arthur looked at the dog and announced that he would kill the dragon himself because… “I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this!”

Apparently one of the most watched videos this weekend, Miss Teen USA South Carolina demonstrates, well, you decide…

I found this quiz on Noah’s new blog. He has a feeble 69% chance of survival. He probably can make a Molotov cocktail - they’re a Finnish invention, after all - but he may lack the all-important baseball bat! Anyway, take the quiz. You can never be too prepared…

75%

Note: The misplacement of the percent figure is apparently within Mingle’s source code. It’s nothing I can fix.

It’s almost impossible to grasp, and yet my third child is all grown up with a family of her own. Where did all the years go? I grabbed a few random photos from a CD archive of family photos that Steve and I compiled last year — there are so many more — and I was amazed at how the little girl standing on the table at Farrel’s Ice Cream Parlor on Freeport Boulevard grew into a woman who served her country, pursued a career at Federal Express, married, and is now raising a family of her own. It’s all happened much too fast…

“Part-time A/C repairman, Nick Webb rolls through the city’s underbelly, scratching it and making it belch.”

When I posted John Cox’s  Detective Frank Pound comic panel last month, I figured he might be branching out in a new direction. So when I saw this Nick Webb cover art, I at first thought he might be considering writing a pulp novel. But it occurs to me now that he’s simply demonstrating just how full his quiver of artistic skills really is. If I was developing a writing project right now, I’d be approaching John to illustrate it.  I might start out something like this:

“I polished off the last of the Old Crow, left the empty bottle on my desk and headed for Gilhooley’s Pub two floors below. Counting the last of the 43 stairs, I sensed movement in the shadows and turned just as the hulking figure lunged. The blow caught me off guard and my knees buckled. As he moved in again, I hit him low, bending him forward clutching his groin. A swift kick sent his teeth cascading like marbles falling on a sidewalk. I crushed his head like a soft cantaloupe and watched him drop to the floor like a bag of rotten potatoes. Probably one of Ficetti’s goons, I thought.

Wiping the trickle of blood from my swollen lower lip, I swung through the back door into Gilhooley’s. Dark and smoky, the familiar pungent smell of  cheap booze and cheap women filled my nostrils. I found a corner table away from the bar and motioned to Gilhooley for a bottle. Then I saw her…”

Yeah, I used to love Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer novels.

The Zoomquilt II art collaboration was created using Flash (free download if you don’t already have it) and defies description. It appears to be 88 layers “quilted” together to help form the continuing zoom effect, and then looped. I found myself saying “Wow!” several times. The subject is a little grotesque and it’s a little long but the art form is impressive. Sit back and give it a watch. I won’t spoil the ending…

Okay, this begs the question: Why? Why would someone decide to replicate currency using eggs? Was the job contracted first, or did the artist just get permission to build it somewhere and then head to the egg farm? We may never know, but this site has photos of the work in progress…

I’m always fascinated with technology. In this video, a hip-hop DJ/beatmaker uses an AKAI MPD24 and FL Studio 7 to digitally create and mix this tune. No real instruments were harmed (or used) in making this video.

And yes, that’s how he spells it.

Inner voice: “No Doug, don’t post it!”

Another inner voice: “Aw, go ahead, Doug! It’s your blog, do as you please!”

Me: “Well…Okay…”

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, while driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she asked the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?”

The shepherd, dubious but always the gentleman, replied, “Why sure, little lady!”

The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said “352.”

That being the correct number, the shepherd was understandably amazed and exclaimed, “You’re right! Okay, I’ll keep to my end of the bargain. Take your pick of my flock.” The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

The shepherd then turned to her and said, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back..?”

(I always listen to my inner voices.)

I remember stacking cards as a kid, once using two full decks to create a primitive multi-story structure. It stood intact for perhaps ten minutes, long enough for my mom to see it and my two mischievous little brothers, one of whom is today an architect, to knock it down. Just think what I might have accomplished had I stayed with it instead of pursuing a career in business!

Bryan Berg broke the Guinness World Record for the World’s Tallest House of Cards in 1992 at the age of seventeen, with a tower fourteen feet, six inches tall. His latest record-holding structure in the category is over twenty-five feet tall. In 2004, Guinness created a new record category for the World’s Largest House of Cards to recognize a project Berg built for Walt Disney World — a replica of Cinderella’s Castle. He continues to hold both records.

A self-taught artist, Berg uses no tape, glue, or other tricks in his work. With 3,000 decks of freestanding playing cards, some scaffolding, and a view of the real building, he worked for a month on the Disney grounds to build the 450 pound card version of Cinderella’s Castle. The structure was 14 feet tall and 14 feet square, detailing all the turrets and tunnels of the actual castle.

Take a look at some of the structures Bryan has built in the galleries. Maybe if I start practicing now…

Apple, Inc. announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants. The iBoob will be available in Apple Stores as early as next week and will retail for $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.

Experts consider this both a technological and sociological breakthrough because women have long complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them…

Thanks Bob!

 From Shannon…

Peter Russell has created what he calls a World Clock. Using statistical averages, it keeps track, to the second, of world population, barrels of oil pumped, the earth’s temperature (it leans toward the theory of global warming), cars - and bicycles - produced, internet users and access points, and more. Select either year, month, week, day or “now” and the clock shows running totals for that period.

Russell acknowledges that the actual numbers cannot be precise, but says the rates of change are what’s most interesting. Take a look; it’s fascinating!

Friends Michael and Sisko threw a birthday get-together yesterday afternoon to help good friend Larry (left) celebrate his 54th trip around the sun. Sisko (bottom left, with Dawn) made her famous gumbo, always a big hit, and topped things off with a fantastic bread pudding. Mix-master Michael whipped up some cocktails none of us had tried before - “Sand in your Shorts”, “Washington Apples” and some kind of shooters concocted with cinnamon schnapps and habanero sauce - and played country music on the stereo in honor of the occasion, something I’ve never seen him do before.

F.A.R.T. (Fraternal Associates of Rolled Tobacco) members gathered in the back yard and fired up a few of Michael’s finest while accepting two new members (Larry and Pat’s daughter Michelle and son-in-law Brian) into the esteemed Lodge. New member Brian “volunteered” to provide an air conditioning unit for the “lodge hall” to cover his initiation fee. During the “meeting,” member and guest-of-honor Larry reaffirmed his promise to write a column for this blog about guitars, and member Noah agreed to write one about the restoration of his Baja Bug. It was a nice afternoon, a good time with good friends.

Even though we’ve been back from our mini-vacation for more than a week, Dawn and I are trying to maintain some of the level of relaxation we achieved while away for as long as possible. So we remind ourselves every day that “the vacation’s not over ‘til we say it’s over - and it’s not over yet.” And this was another nice, relaxing “vacation” weekend.

After our Saturday morning four-mile power walk along Lake Natoma (my knees won’t tolerate jogging these days; ageing sucks!), we decided to drag out the bikes yesterday morning for a longer ride along the south side of the scenic lake. I hadn’t ridden in almost two years and knew I would be out of biking shape, but I had no idea just how out of shape I’ve become. It hit home as we sailed downhill for much of the first leg of the route, meaning there would be a lot of uphill peddling on the return.

Now, we used to bike this route, and some far more challenging, with regularity. But yesterday’s ride was difficult for me. I even had to stop a couple times after the longer climbs to catch my breath. I vowed to drop the thirty or so pounds I’ve gained over the last couple years and get back to the outdoor sports we’ve always enjoyed! I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Yes, it was a nice weekend. We were active, got some of our errands done, and finished it off with good friends. Life is good!

From Michael…

Two men were standing inside a restaurant on an extremely windy day. There was a woman outside sweeping the floor of the outdoor seating area. She was extremely small and, on account of the wind, she was having a difficult time trying not to be blown away.

When she came back inside the restaurant, the men started joking with her. One of them suggested that she put rocks in her shoes when she went outside. The woman said, “You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?”

Ouch! Don’t shoot the messenger!

Dawn and I spent a few days in Orange County earlier this month to decompress. We took few photographs; I’d packed one “walk around” lens, determined to travel light, and Dawn’s new camera was still being repaired. Most images are of the Casa Laguna Inn, our digs for the second leg of our trip, with a few “wildlife” shots taken within walking distance of the Laguna Cliffs Resort in Dana Point, our first leg hotel. We strolled Laguna Beach and Balboa Island, Crystal Cove in Newport Beach, even ventured up to San Clemente, a first for both of us.

Our trip almost didn’t get off the ground — moving through airport security took an hour and forty five minutes! Our flight attendant told us they’d had to leave 37 people in San Diego because of backed up security! But once we arrived at our hotel, we immediately began to unwind. There’s something about sitting on your balcony with a glass of iced mint tea and a cool breeze in your hair, gazing at the endless blue horizon of the Pacific Ocean, that brings an almost instant calm to even the most troubled soul. And so we relaxed. It was wonderful!

We had forgotten, however, how warm — and crowded — Laguna Beach becomes at this time of year. We’ve usually visited during May when the temps are cooler and family vacationers haven’t yet arrived. We’ll remember next time. But we were finally able to attend the Festival of Arts and Pageant of the Masters, an event we’ve wanted to experience for years. It was even more remarkable than we had imagined.

I’ve also linked to some Orange County images taken last May when we had a little more time and fewer crowds. An amazing contrast. I hope you enjoy them.